I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
