I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
