I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
