The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
