he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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