In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
