my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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