Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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