but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
