there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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