Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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