if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
