p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
