Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
