What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
