Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
false alarm, still single
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