Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
