Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
