Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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