smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
