You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
This baby is an asshole
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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