before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The power of my boobs compel you
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
