it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
