Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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