I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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