The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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