Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
