Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
