I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
