i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Never let your siblings swipe right.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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