Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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