Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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