wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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