if i can run in heels then i can drive
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
