Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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