One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
