The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
