i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
