I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
