Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
