just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
