Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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