Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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