you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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