being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
