I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
