We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
