This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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