I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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