I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
