Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
