dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
