She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
