You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
