Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
